Invitation au voyage

Invitation to journey

Following an interesting literary discussion with Bestrand, in which we exchanged on the problems related to the translation of poetic works, we came to Baudelaire and more particularly to his “Invitation to Journey”.

For the beginner tokiponist that I am, this is an excellent exercise: between the translation of complex metaphorical images and the simple explanation of text, there is a cursor whose movement must be controlled.

Here is the Charles Baudelaire’s text and an English translation by Richard Strokes:

L’invitation au voyage	Invitation to journey
Mon enfant, ma sœur,	My child, my sister,
Songe à la douceur	Think how sweet
D’aller là-bas vivre ensemble!	To journey there and live together!
Aimer à loisir,	To love as we please,
Aimer et mourir	To love and die
Au pays qui te ressemble!	In the land that is like you!
Les soleils mouillés	The watery suns
De ces ciels brouillés	Of those hazy skies
Pour mon esprit ont les charmes	Hold for my spirit
Si mystérieux	The same mysterious charms
De tes traîtres yeux,	As your treacherous eyes
Brillant à travers leurs larmes.	Shining through their tears.
Là, tout n’est qu’ordre et beauté,	There - nothing but order and beauty dwell,
Luxe, calme et volupté!	Abundance, calm, and sensuous delight.
Vois sur ces canaux	See on those canals
Dormir ces vaisseaux	Those vessels sleeping,
Dont l’humeur est vagabonde;	Vessels with a restless soul;
C’est pour assouvir	To satisfy
Ton moindre désir	Your slightest desire
Qu’ils viennent du bout du monde.	They come from the ends of the earth.
Les soleils couchants	The setting suns
Revêtent les champs,	Clothe the fields,
Les canaux, la ville entière,	Canals and all the town
D’hyacinthe et d’or;	With hyacinth and gold;
Le monde s’endort	The world falls asleep
Dans une chaude lumière.	In a warm light.
Là, tout n’est qu’ordre et beauté,	There - nothing but order and beauty dwell,
Luxe, calme et volupté!	Abundance, calm, and sensuous delight.

Here’s my version in toki pona:

o kama tawa

meli o, olin mi
o isipin e ni:
mi tu li tawa lon
ni pi pilin pona
olin en musi. olin en moli
lon ma suwi pi sama sina
suno telo pi sewi kule
li sama oko sina
pi telo suno pi kule sewi

lon ni ale li pona li lukin pona li pilin pona

supa kasi pi tenpo suli
li len e tomo mi tu
kasi kule pi nanpa lili
en kiwen pi kasi telo
li lon kon suwi wan
sinpin pi tomo sewi
sinpin jasima suli
kon pona pi kama suno
ni ale li toki suwi
e sona len tawa kon
lon toki pi ma sina

lon ni ale li pona li lukin pona li pilin pona

o lukin e ni:
tomo tawa telo
lon selo pi linja telo
li tawa lon nasin ala
ona li ken tawa lon
poka pi ma monsi
tan wile ale sina

suno pi kama weka
li len e ma pan e
nasin telo e ma tomo ale
kepeken linja jalo
kepeken linja loje
suno li len ale
lon suno seli
pi kama lape

lon ni ale li pona li lukin pona li pilin pona